THE BIG PICTURE: This is why NASCAR can never, ever be as exciting as open wheel racing. Never.

EVENT: Another race under the lights. It never gets old.

QUALIFYING: The first fully dry qualifying of the year, and Rosberg grabs the preordained Mercedes pole from Hamilton.

RACE: The greatest intra-team battling throughout the field, throughout the race in Formula 1 history.

TRACK: Of all the tracks to pull off a race like this, Bahrain would not have been our first choice.

START: Rosberg suffers from the dirty pole box, Massa shocks everyone, and Alonso shows off Raikkonen.

HAMILTON: A spectacular run after the Safety Car on inferior tires.

ROSBERG: If there was any doubt, this race eliminated it. Nico is simply not quite as talented as Hamilton.

MERCEDES: Their unique design is revealed as they sit pretty in the back of the top three constructors.

PEREZ: Hey, McLaren, you got rid of me ... why?

HULKENBERG: Hey, Ferrari, you didn't hire me ... why?

FORCE INDIA: Kicking Ferrari's ass. Time and time again.

RICCIARDO: A superb race in a horrible car.

VETTEL: Not a superb race in a horrible car.

RED BULL: DRS fails, which of course has nothing to do with the engines. Hey Helmut, who are you going to blame now?

MASSA: One driver who has a right to complain about the Safety Car. Felipe definitely wound up on the wrong end of his strategy getting messed up.

BOTTAS: Valtteri is rapidly becoming our favorite driver here at Deep Throttle.

WILLIAMS: What might have been...

ALONSO: Should we start the Fernando is leaving Ferrari countdown?

RAIKKONEN: The hardest driver to pass.

FERRARI: A complete and utter disaster. They will now attempt to whine their way back to the front ... instead of actually designing and building a fast car.

LOTUS: Useless.

MALDONADO: Even more useless.

GUTIERREZ: Ouch!

MCLAREN: Reliability is quickly putting them behind the 8-ball.

ENGINES: If you still complain about the engine sounds after a grand prix like that, you are simply not a racing fan. Case closed.

BEST HEADLINE: From grandprix247.com: "Critics of new era Formula 1 look stupid after Bahrain delivers action packed bonanza."

WORD OF THE WEEKEND: Breathless.

STAT OF THE WEEKEND: 5 -- The number of laps Ferrari president, Luca di Montezemolo, lasted before walking out in disgust ... or a sore losing pout.

HISTORICAL STAT OF THE WEEKEND: Forty-six years ago today, April 7, Jim Clark was killed in a Formula 2 race at Hockenheim. In 73 F1 races over nine years, Clark won the pole 45% of the time and won the race 34% of the time. Those two stats are perhaps the most impressive in a long list of impressive racing accomplishments.

QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND: Who would have ever predicted we would hear this radio call in F1: "Sebastian, let Daniel pass. He's faster than you."

QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND RUNNERUP: Vettel summed up the field's take on Mercedes, "They're out of reach."

SCHEDULE: The next race can't come quick enough!

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