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Uncensored CΛRT Commentary
by Ed Donath

Yours, Mine…
OWRS?

9/17/03

ATHENS, NY—Many believe that Political Correctness had its origin in the Eighties and was perpetuated as a result of a big assist from the “I feel your pain” Clinton administration that spanned most of the Nineties.

Actually, it was sensitive mid-Sixties anti-defamation-bent mobsters who had grown weary of derogatorily being referred to as “The Mafia” that spearheaded the PC Movement by coming up with a tender euphemism for their murderous enterprise.

La Cosa Nostra [loose English translation: “this thing of ours”] greatly enhanced organized crime’s media identification. It also afforded pretty good PR for the family-oriented-yet-societal-acceptance challenged conglomerate of diversified modern Italian-American businessmen.

In fact, the phrase sounded so light and beneficent that, until The Godfather came along about twenty years later, people almost expected to hear Topo Gigio-like phrases coming from the mouths of Carmine Gallo, Joey Bonnano, et al on the nightly news. It was as though those purveyors of mayhem were guests appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show when, in reality, they were merely being videotaped as they made entrances into the Federal Courthouse with their jackets pulled over their heads.

Conversely, “Kiss-a-mee goodnight, Eddie” isn’t exactly what the acronymic working title of the would-be new Champ Car World Series inspires. Not only is “OWRS” not warm and fuzzy, it doesn’t even make any more racing sense than the long-standing acronym it will replace.

Another acronym is the last thing a minority speed sport like Champ Car racing needs. Everyday people—the unwashed majority, if you will—already have NASCAR…not that they know or care what it stands for. But 21st Century politically correct marketing dictates that a friendly, international-sounding name be applied to a trendy, high-tech New Age niche deal the likes of a racing series currently known as CΛRT.

The warm blanket term for Spanish-speaking Americans—“Latinos”—might serve as a role model. Our series could be called “Champinos”. Or, by merging animal rights values with motorsports jargon, we might be referring to the new company as “Free Range Open-Wheel Racing”. “O-W ‘Rangers” would be the replacement term for “Champ Car Pilots”.

OWRS, of course, stands for Open Wheel Racing Series; which would probably lead average folks to ask the question: “What’s the difference between open wheels and closed ones—and do I need to have a set installed on my Saturn?”

How about just using a symbol? The artist formerly known as Prince tried that for a few years and it didn’t seem to hurt his CD sales any. Or perhaps a simple picture of a Champ Car sparking its way down a glamorous big-city boulevard would do the trick?

Nah…scratch that last lame suggestion. Sylvester Stallone already failed miserably with over-the-top assaults on the sensibilities involving unsanctioned nighttime street racing.

A friendly/warm-sounding series name not yet conceived aside, credit must nonetheless be given where credit is due. OWRS heeded this renegade scribe’s suggestion to pony-up just a few more pennies per share than their original 50-cent offer. The rest is actually very Cosa Nostra-like history…

…they made CΛRT an offer it can’t refuse.

Copyright © 2003 by Ed Donath and Deep Throttle. All Rights Reserved.

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