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Russell's Ramblings
by Russell Jaslow

Monty Python's Silver Arrows
7/7/16

Rochester, N.Y.The recent saga this past week coming out of the Mercedes AMG Petronas Formula One Team camp would have fit right into a Monty Python movie, specifically, the Holy Grail. More specifically, the opening credits.

For those who forgot (I say forgot, because anyone who says they never saw Monty Python's Holy Grail can't possibly be human), let's review the part I'm referring to.

The opening credits (there were no ending credits at all) were silly beyond silly. They started as subtitles "translating" the credits into a "Pidgin-English-Swedish." Then, when they seemingly hit rock bottom, they made this announcement:

We apologize for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.

After the silliness resumed, another announcement was made:

We apologize again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

But, that didn't help matters. The silliness continued. Thus, yet another announcement:

The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.

The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.

But, the completion was the same as all the other silliness, culminating in the following:

Directed By

40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS
6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS
142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS
14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)
REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON
76000 BATTERY LLAMAS FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY

and

TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES

If this past week at Mercedes were a Monty Python movie, it would obviously be called Monty Python's Silver Arrows and the opening dialog would go thusly:

LEWIS HAMILTON: It's actually really good with Nico at the moment. Really, really good. Surprisingly. I would definitely not have expected it to be where it is. I guess it is probably with age. He's a family man. He's got a kid. He has probably grown in that process and I have grown and come of age. The respect that we have always talked about is bigger than it has ever been.

HAMILTON: So now we generally just discuss things. Whether we're unhappy about something or not, we discuss it face to face. If I have a problem, I knock on his door and ask if I can speak to him privately. We never address it publicly or in front of the team. So far, at least. We say straight up, 'Hey man, I wasn't cool with that.' And he does that to me as often as I do to him. The other day, I was swimming in my pool -- the building we live in in Monaco, there is a shared communal pool -- and I guess he saw me from his apartment and came down and sat on the diving board and when I finished a few laps, we sat and talked for 20 minutes or half an hour. In a relaxed state.

NARRATOR: We apologize for the fault in the quotes. Those responsible have been sacked.

NIKI LAUDA: Lewis lied about this, simple as that. He just said something. He wanted to be the softener in order to have his peace last weekend. You can rely upon it, he is not a peace maker. The fight gets hotter the longer Nico is in front.

(The camera pans showing a trashed dressing room in the Mercedes compound.)

LAUDA: He did it because he had crashed. He'll have to pay for that [the destroyed room]. You can count on that. He told me I couldn't come in because he was going to destroy everything. This is how it was.

NARRATOR: We apologize again for the fault in the quotes. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.

MERCEDES STATEMENT: Following his appearance on a television discussion show on Servus TV recorded prior to last weekend's Austrian GP, Niki Lauda would like to set the record straight and state the following:

MERCEDES STATEMENT: Lewis Hamilton did not in any way damage a hotel room or his private driver room at the circuit during the race weekend in Baku; and Lewis Hamilton did not lie about his relationship with teammate Nico Rosberg.

MERCEDES STATEMENT: Niki regrets any misunderstanding caused by comments that have been blown wildly out of proportion compared with the casual context in which they were made.

NARRATOR: The directors of the firm hired to continue the quotes after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.

NARRATOR: The quotes have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.

But, the completion was the same as all the other silliness, culminating in the following:

TOTO WOLFF: This is the final warning.

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