August 29, 2000 -- Hey, did you hear? Andretti is going to Team Green, Tracy is going to Forsythe as Carpentier leaves, Barry Green is going to BAR, Vasser is going to Mo Nunn, Herbert is going to Newman/Haas, da Matta is going to Ganassi, Pruett is coming back to CART, and Zanardi is replacing Montoya.

No, Herbert is staying in F1 driving for Sauber, Andretti is going to Ganassi, Vasser is going to the IRL, da Matta is staying put, so is Tracy, Pruett remains in NASCAR, and no way in the world is Green leaving his own team.

Don't you mean Andretti is driving a third car for Green, Tracy stays, and Vasser is going to Newman/Haas? I also heard from a reliable source that Audi is going to build CART engines. And maybe Nissan.

You mean Audi is going to be the spec Indy Lights engine, and they are going to use IRL chassis for the cars. Mercedes is getting out, though, Patrick is switching to Toyota, and Rahal is switching to Lola's.

Patrick is not switching to Toyota, Newman/Haas is. And Buddy Rice is going to get a CART ride, as is Bruno Junqueira, Scott Dixon, Jason Bright, Philipp Peter, Didier Andre, Jorg Muller, Alex Barron, Tony Renna, Lee Bentham, and Casey Mears.

And don't forget Memo Gidley and Bryan Herta returning.

And Nicolas Minassian, Danilo Rossi, and Hoover Orsi making their debuts.

Who?! Of course that means there are more drivers guaranteed to get rides than there are cars.

Well, you have the new Sigma team, ZakSpeed, Tom Anderson is starting his own team, so is Mario Andretti and Adrian Fernandez. Then, there is the new Chicago team and maybe Hogan is coming back.

So, we are going to have a 42 car field next year? At least I know that Franchitti is going to F1.

No, he isn't. Yes, he is. Is not ... is to ... is not ... is to ... is not ... is to ...

I also heard from my brother's friend's girlfriend's grandmother that Al Unser, Jr. is returning to CART.

Does this grandmother follow racing?

No ... does it matter?

STOP RIGHT THERE! Would someone please tell me one bona fide, undisputed, no questions asked fact?

CART races in Vancouver this weekend.

Thank you.

Copyright © 2000 by Russell Jaslow and Deep Throttle. All Rights Reserved.