ATHENS, NY—If you’ve ever used the e-mail link at the end of my columns to send a comment or question, perhaps you’ve been surprised when you actually received a prompt and somewhat coherent response. What drives me absolutely bonkers, however, is when, after spending quality time composing and sending a clever and timely reply, I am later notified that the e-mail was undeliverable!

Just so you “undeliverables” can never have the satisfaction of saying that your favorite CΛRT curmudgeon does not accommodate his readers, here are several e-mails that have recently gone awry. Thankfully, they can now be ejected—guilt-free—from my Sent Folder.

Yahoo Mail’s pflugel29 writes:

Can you tell me what Chris Pook meant when he recently told AutoWeek that “…the average American racing fan can’t relate to the CWSPBBPBF because the Champ Cars don’t even have starters”?

That quote is a classic example of Grandpa-speak. Translation:

“There are no cars with Cosworth engines on the streets of Walla Walla, Dingmans Falls, Moose Jaw or Battle Creek. Therefore, while we’re running our current spec engine series we will actively seek engine suppliers who actually sell their brands here in North America.”

So, Pflug, if Chris Pook has anything to do with it, you can expect vehicle marques like those you see on your local streets every day to be participating in Champ Car racing in 2005 and beyond; auto brands that average racing fans like us drive to work every day—Maserati, Porsche, Lamborghini, Ferrari, Viper.

Participating carmakers will tweak engines selected from their own garden-variety street-issue production V10 parts bins. But my best guess is that these racecars probably will not have onboard starters and, therefore, won’t attract any more “average racing fans” than the current Cosworths do.

Hotmail’s steamcorners_joe asks:

Does your website sell any t-shirts, hats, etc. with the new Champ Car logos on them? I won’t be able to visit the Nice Man trailer at my local track until August but I’d love to have some C^RT clothes to wear in the meantime. I just can’t find this stuff anywhere!

CΛRT has licensed tons of souvenirs and logo apparel but they are intentionally suppressing retail sales. Why? Because the value of t-shirts and caps will appreciate if they are not made available in high-volume numbers a la NASCAR, Oakland Raiders and New York Yankees merchandise. At this time, Champ Car World Series licensed merchandise is being sold exclusively to NYSE:MPH major stockholders on a first-come-first-served basis in an effort to help defray their investment losses.

RedMail’s capt.roger.albano observes:

Every time Pook is backed into a corner and forced to comment about Bernie Ecclestone’s rumored interest in CΛRT he always lamely twists it around like he did in this recent comment:

"…Whenever I go to Europe, I have a meeting with Mr. Ecclestone. It would be rude to go there and not have a meeting with someone you've known for 30 years."

What do you think Ed?

I think that if Bernie the Boss is such a close friend of Grandpa Chris then Pook should stop referring to his bud as Mister Ecclestone. However, if Bernard is also actually Christopher’s boss—as many people suspect—then a certain amount of sucking up is acceptable.

AOL subscriber lemmingsqueezer asks:

Was the head cheese being truthful when he said:

"With all due respect to your question, if you're inferring that it's the policy of this administration to do away with road courses, the answer is No!"

The veracity of any statement made by the inheritor of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway should always be considered dubious.

22manymarios at Net Zero writes:

Hey, Renegade Scribe, what do you make of this cool raceday quote from my fave Tags?

“Those guys had to go through nightmares,” Rocketsports driver Alex Tagliani said after today’s podium finish. “I mean, I never thought we were going to be ready for the first or the second race. They don't have a truck yet. They're moving this week. We only have two sets of shocks to work with.

Ironically, it proves that the clown who busted up our beloved speed sport can be shot with his own gun as that relates to the cost-efficiency issue. On the other hand, it also indicates that the watering down of Champ Car racing and the reduction of its fields has made it a bit too easy to achieve glory.

Finally, caught~out1244 at Surferznet asks:

What’s your take on this quote:
"There is a consensus of opinion that CART needs to be a private organization. We don't need to have Wall Street scrutinizing everything we do."

I would advise anyone who feels this way not to be dabbling in the stock market.

Copyright © 2003 by Ed Donath and Deep Throttle. All Rights Reserved.