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Keeping It Off the Wall
by Ed Donath

Jokers Wild
4/15/04

Athens, NY—In case you’ve been wondering about me for the last couple of weeks, my whereabouts can now be revealed. I’ve been away on what amounts to a secret Deep Throttle mission to find out what makes the OWRS partners tick.

Even with sophisticated equipment, financial spreadsheets, and protected leads that were provided to me by Mission Control, it was, nonetheless, extremely difficult to get a handle on the exact reasons why three successful businessmen would risk losing tens of millions of their own dollars on this shaky venture.

You know the old expression “Follow the Money”? Well, in this case, the money is all going in the wrong direction—away from Gerald Forsythe, Kevin Kalkhoven, and Paul Gentilozzi. I promise to let you know the moment we begin to see any of this cash returning to its rightful owners. But, of course, that will be a whole ‘nother story.

What follows is a bonus transcript from one of my successful eavesdropping sessions; conducted outside a window of the OWRS motor coach at Long Beach. A dead AAA battery forced me to get most of this conversation by pressing a Dixie Cup with a cutout bottom to the sheet metal wall of the bus…

“Well Gent-o, looks like we finally got it all together.”

“Yeah, Gerry…and with a few days to spare, no less. Whaddya say we invite Speyer and Bisco over for a relaxing five-handed poker game?”

“Great idea, Gent-o! Our hard-working engine/tire pals and the three of us partners certainly deserve a night of recreation for a change. You can only burn the midnight oil for so long.

“You in, Kalkie?”

“Sure mates. All work and no play makes one a dull bloke. I’ll go slip a few shrimp on the barbie and lay in some Fosters whilst you prepare the card table.”

A few hours later after ‘several’ adult beverages…

“Your deal Biscuit. What’ll it be?”

“I’m getting tired of these straight-ahead draw and stud games we’ve been playing…not enough action, excitement, and bluffing. Let’s play Baseball. Threes and nines are wild and a four-spot gets you a free card. Ante up!”

“Leave it to the engine boys to kick up the horsepower with more complicated mapping specs. Whatsamatter, can’t beat us businessmen at our own game?”

“You may be right Gerry. But I’ll tell you what. All of these wild and extra cards on the table have given me a huge idea…something to encourage more excitement in the Champ Car World Series. Something that’ll literally give the drivers a Passing Wildcard.”

“I’ll see your wildcard idea, Biscuit, and raise you one. I just got an idea that’ll get the boys back at the factory a chance to show off while giving the Champ Car pilots yet another passing wildcard.”

“That’s the spirit, Spy!”

And so were born the push-to-pass button and the sticky option tire wildcard.

A plane was flying over at the time, but I believe that I also heard one of the OWRS partners saying something about handing each ticket holder a scratch-off lottery ticket as they walk through the gates on race day. There might also be a seat-number door prize drawing after each event.

Copyright © 2004 by Ed Donath and Deep Throttle. All Rights Reserved.

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