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Uncensored CΛRT Commentary
by Ed Donath

As if…

ATHENS, NY—Not in any way aspiring to play lead guitar in the CΛRT Doom and Gloom Band, it is impossible, nonetheless, not to worry about so many things—aside from pressing financial survival issues in the Champ Car World Series—which never seemed to plague our beloved speed sport during its heyday.

As if there wasn’t already a major worldwide TV crisis, the resurrected Road America event at a truly race-encouraging circuit that will bear Mario Andretti’s recognizable name is viewable exclusively at a handful of far-flung American sports saloons. Couches and Barco Loungers will probably not be provided and casual dress—not your customary at-home shirtless/frayed under-shorts motif—is recommended.

As if a serious shortage of marquee-quality drivers hasn’t been causing casual channel surfers to continue pressing the button on their remotes, the series’ biggest name has proven very decisively lately that all but perhaps one or two of CΛRT’s highly-touted collection of international hot shoes are nowhere near the competitive equivalent of those ‘famous’ drivers who took off for ‘greener’ pastures over the last couple of years. CWS has evolved into the perfect feeder series for the traditionally parade-filled ForMoola One.

As if there wasn’t already a dearth of favorable PR for the CCWSPBBPBF, the weekly news is now replete with accounts of drivers criticizing CΛRT officials and Champ Car Company management. Most disheartening of all are the accounts of drivers bickering with and talking smack about each other. Let’s just hope that this never turns into an ugly safety issue.

As if long-standing traditions like turbocharged V8 engines aren’t already on the Endangered Species List, talk of single-car qualifying and standing starts have really heated up lately. It’s ironic, however, that a smart F1 concept like tire-warmers never gets discussed.

As if race officiating wasn’t already a sensitive issue, there has recently been a plethora of delayed reactions, arbitrary penalties and reversed decisions that follow no rhyme or reason. If flag-waving and steward’s penalties can’t be swift and appropriate they should, at least, be uniform. When will Sheriff Wally finally make his annual un-retirement appearance?

As if it wouldn’t make more sense to cultivate venues in the USA, Canada, Mexico, and Brazil, it looks like additional races in Europe and Asia will become the repositories of effort and expenditure. Does FedEx fly to China…or is that why Darren Manning has a new sponsor?

As if Championship Auto Racing Teams hasn’t always been a marketing-challenged company, the current TV spots that are, as usual, aired only during race programs are so un-creative as to be less interest inspiring than any of CΛRT’s earlier efforts. Feel the lame!

As if you didn’t know.

Copyright © 2003 by Ed Donath and Deep Throttle. All Rights Reserved.

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